speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
