It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
