hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
