my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Send help, water and tortillas.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
