Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
