he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize