Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it was like eating out sand paper
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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