Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
