Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
