Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
