I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
