I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
