I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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