Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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