Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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