his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
