she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize