OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
