This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
