No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
