I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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