ADVERTISEMENT

• (305): View more from Florida

  go do what you do best...puke behind churches

  Fav 9 1351 792

  share tweet
  

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just another sign I need to get out of this town

  Fav 25 3173 1100

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  It's like a parade of train wrecks.

  Fav 22 1123 2160

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months

  Fav 27 3436 804

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating

  Fav 30 1366 7326

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.

  Fav 9 922 3410

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (410): View more from Maryland

  As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.

  Fav 19 6295 1274

  share tweet
  

• (917): View more from New York City

  I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.

  Fav 44 2281 7315

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.

  Fav 4 2317 1145

  share tweet
  

• (518): View more from New York

  We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical 

  Fav 8 1751 722

  share tweet
  

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.

  Fav 14 1823 703

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (937): View more from Ohio

  Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.

  Fav 2 705 545

  share tweet
  

• (516): View more from New York

  Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.

  Fav 6 678 444

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."

  Fav 1 254 81

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (407): View more from Florida

  So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  Basic items

  Fav 0 65 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize