so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
