Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
