nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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