I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
