yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
