Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
