im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
