I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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