the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
