Your favorite bartender is back from prision
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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