We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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