no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
