Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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