i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
