I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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