That's intense
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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