I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How naked do you want me to be?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
