I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
