Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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