Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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