Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
