Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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