My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
