Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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