after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
