Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
