Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Still dying that you shit outside
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
