Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
barbara walters just said penis...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
