I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
