just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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