just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
