So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
