and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
