u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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