Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
