Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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