I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
