Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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