I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
