Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
