We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
