I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
God, I missed his penis.
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