And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
