Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
