We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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