I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
