last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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