He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
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