No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
