M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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