This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
