i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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